04 May The Day We Brought You Home
I woke up that morning in the hospital room and I couldn’t be more excited. We were bringing you home that day. I got up, checked on you (you were still sleeping) and I began to eagerly pack everything up. You were coming home. You were going to see the house you would live in, meet the dogs that you would grow to adore, see the room we worked so hard on so that you would have a space that’s all your own. You were going to see the home that we had prepared for you to grow in. I couldn’t wait.
You were so little. I’ll never forget your precious face and those little hands and your tiny cry (you would learn pretty quickly how to make it much louder). My body was so sore from the delivery and the weight of all this love that I never knew I could have for someone. You had arrived and immediately taken the place of the most important things in my life.
I laid out the outfit that I dreamed of putting you in on this day months ago. Your dad came in to help pack us up. Your grandmother got there to help us all and you could feel the excitement in the air, our baby was going home! We were going to leave the hospital and begin the adventure that you are. I have to admit to you. I was scared.
I was scared that I would mess up or do something wrong. I was scared that I would let you down. Not just in the coming days, but in the months and years to come. I prayed every day of my pregnancy that you would be ok. Now, that was up to me (along with those prayers) to ensure that you were.
We dressed you and spent a good 30 minutes looking at you and talking about how perfect you were. I couldn’t believe that something so flawless belonged to me. The joy in the room was immense. You were the source of it all.
We got in the car and drove home. When we arrived, I held you and walked you from room to room and told you what everything was. I showed you your crib and I imagined the day you would pull yourself up in it and greet me in the mornings. I introduced you to the dogs and could see you playing with them in the backyard as a little boy. I took you to the kitchen and passed the table where I saw my little baby working on his homework as a preteen. I couldn’t wait to watch you grow, but I wanted that moment to last forever.
The day passed by and eventually nighttime came. Your grandmother left for the night and daddy fell asleep. It was just you and me sitting on the couch. I held you in my arms and began to cry. I cried because I never knew I could love anything as much as I love you. I cried because I was scared that I wouldn’t be the mother that you deserved. I cried because I was so excited to watch you grow; yet at the same time, I didn’t want you to grow at all. I cried because my home, which was familiar and full of the love that we had put into it over the past few years was completely different. It was infinitely more full because of you. My life was so much better because you were in it. In fact, my life had just begun.
That is when I prayed the greatest prayer of thanksgiving I had ever prayed. You, my little man, are the greatest blessing in my life and I couldn’t stop thanking God for giving me you. You make me love my mom more. You make me love your daddy more. You make me love God more. You have changed my life forever for the better.
I love you.