08 Jan 3 Common Ways of Thinking that Sabotage Marriages
No marriage is perfect. Arguments happen. You’re not going to agree on everything. The stressors of everyday life, children, and everything in between can create rifts between you from time to time.
But, getting through things like that are normal. In fact, when you’re able to get through those things, your marriage can end up stronger than ever.
Little fights and disagreements are one thing, but there are certain things you need to be on guard for in your marriage. Even if you feel like your relationship is strong and secure, your habits may be unknowingly sabotaging your relationship when you least expect it. Thankfully, by recognizing these little attacks, you can prepare yourself for “battle,” and go to fight for your marriage.
Let’s take a look at three ways of thinking that sabotage relationships, and what you can do to fight back.
- You Think You Deserve More Than What You Have
Comparing you marriage to others’ – while it’s not great to do – is inevitable. That’s especially true if you’ve been with your spouse for a long time. It’s just the way our minds tend to travel – Curiosity sometimes shows up when we least expect it. But it’s a practice than can easily turn from curiosity to jealousy.
The problem occurs when you start wondering if you’d be happier with someone else. Or, if you start convincing yourself that you deserve more. It’s easy to scroll through Facebook and see married friends, or even influencers who seem to have the perfect marriage or perfect family, and you might find yourself pining over that.
While there are some exceptions to consider, most of the time, these thoughts are nothing more than lies, designed to creep into your marriage and tear it apart.
If you’re struggling with thinking you’d be happier with someone else, start to consider all the ways in which you’re currently happy in your marriage. What does your spouse do for you? What do you do for them? What kind of bond do you share? By reminding yourself of the good things in your marriage, you’ll be less likely to let the curiosity of “wanting more” to take hold.
- You Feel Like Your Spouse Is Against You
Marriage is a commitment to one another. It’s a declaration that you’re on the same team, fighting for the same things. While that doesn’t always mean you have to agree on the same things, it does mean that your end goal is the same.
So, when you start to feel as though your spouse is against you or is on a different team, it’s just another lie.
This can often occur when there is something you’re really passionate about that your spouse may not agree with. It doesn’t mean they’re against you, and it doesn’t mean you can’t come to a conclusion or a compromise. What would happen if you entered the hard conversations in marriage by reminding each other you’re on the same team?
- You Twist The Word
Many people try to justify the things they do or think by taking scripture and twisting it, or adjusting it to fit their individual situation(s). When it comes to marriage, men and women sometimes pick and choose Bible verses to determine how their spouses should treat them.
The problem with this is that they don’t often look at the other side of things. If you’re a wife who wants to quote to your husband how he should treat you, make sure you’re reading how the wife is to respond to the husband, too. It’s never okay to pick and choose from the Bible and twist it to fit any kind of agenda. If you’re starting to find yourself seeking out things like that, you’re most certainly sabotaging your marriage.
Do you find yourself, even if it’s just in your head, doing any of these things? While they may start as benign and harmless thoughts, be on guard – so often our little thoughts grow into sentiments that are much harder to change.
Recognizing that you practice these little, yet dangerous ways of thinking in your marriage can feel scary and overwhelming. But, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. When you prepare yourself to fight back, you can stop the attack in its tracks, and stand firm in your marriage. By realizing that your habits are to the detriment of your relationship, you gain the power to change them and, therefore, fight for your marriage in little, tiny ways each and every day.