19 Mar Momspiration Monday // Nikki’s Story
I was never the young girl who fantasized about my wedding day or how many children I would have. It honestly NEVER crossed my mind! I still sit back in awe about how different my life is compared to what I thought it would be.
I met my dear husband on a blind date in 1997 and from that night, I think we both knew something was there, but not quite sure. Fast forward to 2003 and here we are married and ready to spend our lives together. We had our first child (our daughter Dallas) in 2011. I was completely ready to have a child and never felt a child would complete us, but it would just make our lives that much better. We wanted to be parents that brought more kindness into the world and we took (and still do) take the responsibility of parenthood very seriously. We understand we are raising people who will go out in the world and either make it better or make it worse.
In 2016 our second child (our daughter Karter) was born. I see so much of myself in Karter and it makes me very nervous! LOL!! She is fierce, bold, extremely smart and very charming. Dallas is highly intelligent, caring, compassionate and very much a rule follower. She reminds me of my husband and has a naturally curious nature.
Both of my girls challenge me to be a better woman, not just a mother. I know that whatever I do, they are watching. This makes me more intentional in all aspects of my life and it caused major course correction. I have edited friendships, career choices and self image conversations. I was never nervous or scared about pregnancy with either of them. I felt in my heart they would be okay and I felt honored to grow these beautiful human beings. The scary part isn’t pregnancy, it’s raising these little angels and hoping you don’t mess them up for life……no pressure. The thing that keeps me sane when the weight of that gets to me, is knowing that I am pouring all that I have into those two girls and I pray that it’s enough.
One of the things that makes motherhood more challenging for me, is my job. I am a Doula in the Dallas area and the unpredictability of my job is very demanding on myself and my family. This job is a sacrifice and it can be heartbreaking if I have to miss an event due to me attending a birth. If I didn’t absolutely love what I did for a living, there is no way I could do this. Knowing that I may miss a school play to help a family welcome their sweet child into this world, makes it so much easier on my heart. I do have mom guilt and thankfully I have a supportive husband who helps me deal with that. He reminds me that I am doing my best and if I can’t be at an event, he does all that he can do represent the family.
If there is one piece of unsolicited advice I would give a mom is………..you’re doing your best. That’s all your children will care about at the end of the day and that little fact is what helps me to make it through. Don’t beat yourself up. We are all trying to get it right……..whatever that may mean to you. You never know who you’re inspiring, so keep pushing through and understand we are in this together.
Nikki Knowles is a 38-year old wife and mother of 2 girls living in Dallas, TX. She is a Certified Birth Doula and co-founder of Dallas Birth Doulas. Nikki has attended over 200 births in the past 5 years [including Chandler’s] and her passion is helping families feel supported throughout their pregnancy, labor and birth. When she is not supporting families, she enjoys spending time with her family, checking out the latest food spots and occasionally binging on Netflix shows.
Do you want to share your story of motherhood with others? Do you have a momspiration you’d like to nominate to share their story and encouragement? Email us at [email protected]!